About your queer officers: Marcus
Marcus is allergic to grammar, and often has to drop the subject when subjected to objects he objects to. He has admired and eaten artworks by both Wassily Kandinsky and Lucian Freud. If you anger him, Marcus will take his revenge by seducing your grandmother and making you fall in love with a penguin. He walks on the water, and swims on the land. Yesterday, he created the tomorrow you’ll remember last week. He is also a rather interesting shade of purple, but prefers to hide this fact by painting himself human colours every morning.